In one month (from yesterday) I will be twenty.
No longer a teenager. This is scary. I'll be an twenty-something. ::shudder::
There's such a stigma attached to being twentysomething in my mind. Its time to grow up. To be an adult almost. I know thats not true, especially in today's world where people remain children in thier mentality for as long as possible (even though they act like adults physically- if that makes any sense) It just seems to me that this would be the time for maturing, growing up. Scary thoughts-right?
One week till the Hunter open house. Oooo. It will be interesting. I want to like this place so badly. But it scares me that because I want to like it I won't see any possible flaws. I'll just see the location and the price and the size and the programs. I'll be dazzled. But I want to not just see the wonders that I know I'll make myself find. I want to see whats wrong with it, that way I can make a true decision based on realistic findings about whether or not that is the place I really want to be.
Every time I mention it Steph gets mad at me. She gets this look and tells me to stop tlaking about it. But I can't. SHe has no idea how unhappy I am here. I think i can't act but really thats all I do. Everyone knows I'm unsatisfied here but thats all they think it is. They don't know the level of my dissapointment, unhappiess, and just sadness. I know I keep saying it's because I'm in New Jersey but its not just that. Its partly the program - its not the people. I do love the people here, and that would be my reason for staying. But I can't decide my whole future because I have some friends. I need to do what would be best for me, not just education wise but mentally. I feel like this place is just pulling me down. I don't go out. I don't have fun. Wednesday was the last time I just left to go party and hang out with people in ages. Since probably the second week of school. We're past midterms at this point so thats a fair amount of time...
So that wasn't where I intended going with this whole thing. But whatever... back to the homework because I have tons. <3
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