so i already messed up this writing once on every calender date. i've missed october 6th, but its only 3am october 7th. i haven't slept yet, so i still count this as friday.
i really am contemplating this whole transfer thing.
i just feel like if i want to try being in theater i need to be in the city. i can't be stuck here in north jersey for another two years, rotting and trying to learn when i could be in the city not only taking classes in things that matter to me but also taking masterclasses in theater and building up my book and hopefully getting jobs, and if not jobs training at least. just something that doesn't involve sitting here at fdu for me whole life, wasting away to a depressed shell, something i feel like i'm already turning into.
i can't even think about anything without wanting to cry. the only times i didn't feel like crying in the past week was when i was going to brian and kait's class. sure it was because i liked the class, but it was also because i was getting off campus, getting out of jersey, getting into manhattan. all that mattered to me was that i was doing something different from what i do every other day while i'm stuck here in north jersey. i realize that if i were to live in manhattan it would not be sometihng different for me to get excited over, but it would be something different from the past 19 years of new jersey suburbia. this is all i know. and i'm sick of it. i need a change. and a city where space is at a premium and there are 8 million people seems like the place for this change to happen.
i'm auditioning for the national tour of hairspray in one week. i don't think anything will come from it at all, but i really just feel like i need to do something. i need to try. i've never been on a professional audition before and if thats what my life is going to be made of then i need to start now... right?
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1 comment:
right.
break things love, i miss you
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