...its like he knows something I don't

Well that was an expierence.

I did audition today. My first real world musical theater audition. I wasn't scared. I got a little nervous in the hallway but when I entered the room I was okay. The two men were incredibly friendly. They did seem like they wanted you to do good, as everyone keeps telling me the people behind the table want of you. They even danced and bopped around a bit to the song. But I made a mistake. I asked for my start note and everything was fine; excepting the fact that my throat was incredibly dry (no amount of water beforehand was fixing this) So I sing about 13 of my 16 bars. And my voice cracks. I let it throw me off too. I fucked up. No matter how much you mess up you can't let them know. Yes, they may know the song but if you don't let that mistake get to you then great. You work well under pressure and flubs and whatnot. But I let it mess me up. I made a face, finished the song. Said thank you. They told me it was very sweet and thank you. I thanks the pianist and left. Nothing more, nothing less. Its funny, I am 19 years old, almost twenty in a month and a half (exactly- eek!). Yet, it seemed that I looked too young for what they were looking for. There were girls there who had previously been called back for Tracy, back at the first round of auditions for this tour. The three of them all looked older then me. Standing next to them I looked about 14 or something (not quite so extreme) But they were in their twenties, like 26-ish it seemed. Maybe I need to wait a few years till I look like I'm actually 20 to play 16- since that makes sense. I, right now. look about 16. Thats the average age guessed for when people meet me. Yet, I looked too younf to be this 16 year old girl? At least thats just what it looked like to me. But maybe i'm blind.
Thats okay though. I know what I need to work on. I need to fix this.
I have to be more accepting of the fact that i am not always in perfect voice, more often then not I am not in perfect voice. I cannot let it effect my reactions and I cannot let it pull me out of the moment and ruin what chances I had.
I messed up but I'm learning things still. I learn something new everyday about this "craft" and its for the good of it all. I mean it would have been cool to get a call back but I'm okay with the fact that I didn't. I'm just happy I did it. I went on my first professional audition and I didn't die or cry or scream. I just did what I had to, got the tiniest amount of feedback (how was it sweet I wonder?) I felt the fear and went for it- to quote some cheesy new age self help mantra.
I really thought that if I went it was going to end up being the end of the world. This morning while trying to leave Steph and I went out the building and went to go down the hill to walk to her car so we could drive to the train (she had to be in the city too for something else this morning) I take one step onto the hill and I'm down for the count. I tore my knee completely open. There is a huge gash going almost right down the center of it. I sent Steph down to get the car so she could drive and get herself some money from the ATM while I limped back to the room to see what I did and clean up in the ten minutes I had. My knee and part of my ankle were covered with mud. I cleaned the mud away from my knee, thus discovering the huge cut. Ew, gross, blood. It was a party. Then I moved onto my ankle and its no where near as bad, but it feels more sore, like a twist of whatever. But it wasn't so bad that I couldn't walk or anything. It was fine. I threw some disney princess bandaids on my knee, grabbed a few more incase they were necessary and then left again. Everything is fine now, but this just seemed to me to be one of those signs saying "Stop, turn around, go back to your room. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Do not audition for Hairspray." I really thought this, coupled with the two hours of sleep I got last night, was God's way of sending me a message. I didn't listen. And I'm the better for it- other then the huge gash going through my knee and the swollen bit of my ankle- but who needs those anyway?