i can feel the glaciers melting

the warm soft wind
covered up everything
on the day your love came screaming through me



I've just finished rehearsal, notes, paperwork and all.
I really should not be sitting here in Terra as I am and writing on this. I should be making my way back to my apartment so I can clean up. There is going to be someone looking at the place at 8pm tonight. And it looks like a wreck.
The landlord tried to tell me that it doesn't matter how it looks. But it really does. Also I don't want people, complete strangers at that, to come walking through my apartment and think "My God, these people live in complete squaller".
But despite that, I cant bring myself to get up and go at this moment,. I suppose I still have 2 and a half hours to get home and clean which is plenty of time. Its not like its a very big apartment.

I don't know where my time has gone. Where my life has gone.
This summer has quite literally flown by. I don't know where it has scampered off to. I wish it had stuck around for me to enjoy it. So I could savor something of my last 'free' summer. Next will be spent working as a slave for $125 a week + room and board at the beach. Pretty sweet, but not the supposed freedom I had this summer. Maybe next summer I won't apply for the Surflight internship and instead I'll take a cross-country road trip.

Thats not actually going to happen...but whatever.


Oh no! People need this room.

Maybe tomorrow morning when i'm back here- No more internet at the house.

live like music.

I wanna live like music. I wanna live like music.
Songs about justice. Songs about love.
Songs about freedom and never giving up.
I wanna live like music...



They might be stupid but damn do those crappy Canadian teen dramas have some good musics.

I'm not too sure what it is that i"m doing here.
This is my last 'real' week at Doc Watson's. Next week I start working Monday's only because of rehearsal schedules. It sucks and I will never have money again. And all the money I did manage to make this summer is already spent on my rent for the new house. So, pretty much I have $30 to my name right now. Awesome.

I don't know where my summer has gone. Erin called me Saturday and told me that she was getting ready to start packing for school again. Really? That was my main reaction. Then it hit me, "Oh, my God. It's August. I have spent my entire summer working, not playing. Not necessarily having a good time. Making very few bad decisions, though the one I did make will live on forever in a new found euphemism used at Doc Watson's. I have thrown away my last summer of 'freedom' without even realizing it since it obviously took place a year ago. I can't even remember anything from last summer that jumps out at me as being special or fantastic or so amazing that it made the summer worth it (with the exception of one very out of character act that I don't really talk about anymore)."

I had planned on this summer being my crazy, reckless, last hurrah summer. It was going to be filled with bad decisions and regrets- the kind that make a real person, and give a person experiences, the kind that they can write about if they plan on being a writer.Not that I plan on doing that or anything... But really, I know that next summer I'll have an internship -I need to have one to graduate on time. And I think I'll get the Surflight one since they already offered it to me this summer. And as awesome as it will be to live in LBI all summer I won't have the free time to go out carousing and partying because the theater will be too busy running me ragged, or so I've been told...

I just... I want my freedom to be young. And not have to worry about paying my rent, and going to work, and buying groceries, and having the apartment clean for new renters to look at it, and moving into a new house, and having such lofty responsibilities. It may not seem like I have a lot to do, but really I do. Or at least in my head all of my responsibilities are huge. Maybe I'm just crazy...
I don't know.

But I just want to be a kid again.