well i had a lesson today to go over my music with someone who know what hes doing.

he's was honest.

he doubts i'll make it in.


i don't have enough training to get training- does that make any sense?
he thinks all they'll hear is a pretty voice but raw, and not recognize the potential within it or within me. they'll just hear it go "aww how pretty. next"

and then he told me my songs were too musical theater.
he gave me an english whatever song.
its difficult.
and i need to learn it by saturday and learn it well and not suck at it.
and its going to kill me.
and i know he was jsut being honest and preparing me for this to not work out but it hurts all the same. and it seems so cruel to crush someone like that- but he probably thought he was doing me good but still...


i just want this so bad and to hear that i don't have the right training to get in to this school it kills me.

all i want to do is sing.
thats it. for the rest of my life even.
and he's telling me that even though i sound pretty its not enough. i'm not enough.

it hurts and i just don't know what i'll do.i'm going to end up stuck in north jersey for the rest of my life.
killing myself with questions about my acting ability- or just dropping the acting and staying at fdu as a polisci major and killing myself with boredom and an "okay" program.

this is my future pretty much.

he said "give it your best shot"

he still didn't think that with my best shot i could even do it.
he really just thought i was a random girl who could mostly sing, woke up one dya and sai d"i want to be a music major."
well that snot it. i want to sing more than anything ever. its the only thing i love.
and right now i don't even love it. i just want to curl in a ball and cry- instead i'm sitting here crying but whatever.
i know the truth hurts but still... this is ridiculous.