Carpe Diem.

Seize the Day.
I never do.
I wish I would become more accustomed to seizing the moment but I seem to have this tendency to let things just pass by me. How am I going to live my life when I keep allowing it to escape me. I need to change the way I live. I need to grasp the moment. I need to start living like a real person. Not like some scared little girl. I'm not a little girl. I am twenty years old. But in my experiences I am a mere child. I have barely done anything in my life. I'm not nearly adventurous enough.
I want to change that. Maybe next time an opportunity like that presents itself I won't back up. I'll do what I want to do rather than what I think I should do... Maybe.

Anyways. The audtions.

UArts actually went fairly well I believe. I felt kind of good about it. My sight reading was pathetic but I did try really hard. I feel pretty good about my singing. Only time will give me an answer... hopefully the right answer. You know what the right answer is. I want to be in Philadelphia. I need to. I'm even looking at other schools there in case it doesn't work out. But I am hoping it does. It would be quite nice. It would be more then quite nice. It would be amazing and wonderful and everything I want. But I can't put all my eggs in that basket. I have to have other options and ideas...

This past week there were auditions for the shows being put up this semester. I only auditioned for Carousel, not Dead Man Walking (I just didnt think I was appropriate for anything there). But I went in and sang my songs like I've been preparing them for ages- which I have. And I think it worked out pretty well. It was good enough that I had a callback. I was made to sing again. They had me sing for Nettie "You'll Never Walk Alone" which I did not really know. But I made it work. Allen said he knew I could do it and wanted to make sure I had that high G toward the end. Which I did, it was a little weak but I was sick so I did what I could and he understood. But they didn't make anyone else sing for her at all. And they had no one at all read for her. So maybe... I dunno. It would be nice. And it would definitly fix this whole confidence issue I have going on for the past year.

Last night Danielle and I went down to my end of Jersey- South Jersey. We went to Rowan to see Nikki and party some. It was fun. It was certainly an adventure. I took Danielle to a Wawa. And not just any Wawa- but the Wawa right off 541 in Mt. Holly. We had been on the turnpike and it just seemed like the thing to do! But it was an interesting night. Most of it spent in the bathroom with Nikki making sure she didn't die. But it was worth it to get to hang out with her and Dani. I miss them both. I don't see either of them nearly enough. I wish there was some way we could hang out that didn't require a two hour drive on either end. Because, oh yeah, the drive to Rowan was two hours long. But it was worth it.

And it was last night that makes me wish I took advantage of situations that presented themselves to me. And also that I would learn to keep my mouth shut and not give people attitude when they start saying things to me. I just had to bring out the whole "You don't even know me. Who are you to question my actions?" type response, when it wasn't even necessary. Oh well. Maybe It'll be forgotten.

Today was spent doing homework- after sleeping many hours since we got home at about 7 this morning. I've checked my email about four billion times. Hoping that maybe... just maybe they would email the casting. They didn't.

Oh well.. wait till tomorrow then.


And note to self- keep on trying. Don't give up. And also - Carpe Diem.

Just do it.