I hate the phone, but I wish you'd call.

There's a myth that every seven years there is a renewal that takes place within the body, cells replacing themselves. According to this idea you become a "new" person every seven years, at least. I know it's not true, but its such a nice idea that I can't resist it. Going on this theory, you could be a completely "different" person every seven years.
I still have moments today where I feel like a fourteen year old girl, so maybe it is time for a change.
Since I'm going to be 21 in a matter of months it may be the beginning of a new time, a new chapter. Time to start anew, open up a new book of my life. Move on. Forget about those people that were holding me back, tying me to the past. Not my friends. I can't let go of them. They're there for me. I mean those people who I really have no connection to other than memories that I live in from time to time. It's time I finally get past certain people. One specifically is one I need to get past. I know it is never going to happen. As if the impending marriage weren't enough, the lack of anything over the past how many years should be a clue. I have this image of him in my mind that I've been building up since... far longer that I'd like to admit. Its not real. And even if it was real, it's not mine. He's not mine.
Every crush I've had since I was in 8th grade. No matter how "over" it and them I may be there is still a little part of me, deep in my heart and my head, that is holding out. That goes pitter-patter at the thought of them, at the sound of their name. It may only be a little flutter, but its there nonetheless. And it needs to be done away with. And soon.
I'm not sure how one goes about cutting someone from their heart, especially when the memory of them still exists, and probably always will, but I need to do this. To move on with my life. I will never find the same sort of attraction as I did to one, the banter I had with another, or the history we shared. But thats okay. Maybe I can find a deeper attraction, more clever banter, and start making my own history...