repression can be fun!

Can't we just make like a good group of american friends and ignore any sort of feelings that might arise. Repression is the name of the game and its all the rage. I've been doing it all my life and I'm just fine. I really suggest you become familiar with it because right now I just can't take it. I can't do this. I don't need any late night confessions. No needs that must be set free into the world. Nothing. I really just need this to not be sent out into the world because I don't think I can handle this confession. Wait a while. There is so much going on in the next two weeks. Or ya know what, write it in a note and let it out. Give it to me if you must. But I won't read it. I need to be able to focus right now. I have 2 weeks left of school. I need to pass these classes, better yet I need a's and b's or else I won't remain at this school. The loss of a scholarship is never fun times. And then I need to run away from this country and go to London for a week and fall in love with the landscape and find my own Mr Darcy and never come back. Or better yet come back, find my own Mr Darcy at home, as in Burlington. (is it sad that i have an idea of one but i could never name a name because i would be shot in the face by people i know) then I will audition for a new school, get in and just go through all of next semester with ease. Happily and carefree with nothing tying me down or clipping my wings. because I need to fly. I'm a god damned bird and I need to soar because otherwise I will be driven to acts that are not good for myself, much in the way of last year. If we might recall, last year after I did not get into my school of transfer choice. The night that news was delivered I got so trashed that I could not walk the next day. I could barely see. And from there everything that semester got worse. I drank too much. I did drugs. I didn't do my work. My head was all over the place and I was an emotional wreck. I can't go through that again. But really I just might turn into that if this news comes out. Keep it in. I'm begging. Please.


a cry in the dark. begging for an acceptance, an agreement. do as i bid and as i plead. only good will come of it i think, i believe, i hope.

I'm sick of school.
I'm sick of working and thinking and trying too hard and struggling to understand chemistry and everything.
Right now I just want to go home and curl into a ball and sleep forever... or atleast for two weeks until finals are done. I'm so not in the mood for finals at all. I dont even know what to study for some classes, and even better I dont know when some of them are taking place. I do know that tomorrow there is a final for Chem Lab. Gross. I don't know what I'll be doing... ick.

England in 23 days. I cannot wait. I really am just so excited.
!!

Also my birthday was a success. My classy wine party went on and people dressed up (excepting one person who wore a suit tee-shirt. stupid boy) but it was fun. I think everyone enjoyed themselves. At least I hope they did...

but anyways back to homework, of course.