Joyeux anniversaire à moi!

So I am 22 now. Olddddd.

Thanksgiving was lovely and peaceful.
Which was all I asked for.

So it's my birthday and the astorlogy.com thingie sent me a free tarot reading.
It is fascinating. Apparently I am...

*You're even tempered, moderate, and able to see both sides of a situation. You recognize when there is nothing more to be done and have learned that haste makes waste, for everything unfolds in its own time. You may be the peacemaker in the group, or go with the flow, as you have mastered the art of compromise and keeping your temper. You tend to avoid extremes and don't over-react or get emotional when others try to get a rise out of you, and your patience, creativity, tolerance, and understanding is an inspiration to others. Difficulties with any of the above can be overcome or managed with therapy, medication, or support.

*This year could be a good one for you, for you could become confident in your ability to make a difference. You may become more comfortable with yourself, accept that it takes all kinds, or be a natural leader who can see the big picture, or the challenges of a global economy. You could have the opportunity to travel, and might prove to be an open-minded concerned citizen of the Earth, its environment, and resources, but may have a tendency to think that the world revolves around you. You are responsible for your actions or choices, and over the course of the year, you might make it your business to know what's going on in this ever-shrinking planet. Having "been there, done that," you can be optimistic for the future, or will find your place. The world is your oyster, and you are hungry for the pearl. You'll have no regrets this year; you will have done all you can, and can be ready to move onto the next level.



Lets hope.

remember when we made a habit of reenacting carmen in your musty basement...

i can't sleep. which is a shame.
thanksgiving is tomorrow. and i am excited.
for family.
and for leftovers after the fact.
but friday, my 22nd birthday, is thte first day of tech for talkradio.
not so exciting. more scary, actually.
but hey, thats the way the cookie crumbles
or something like that.
i'm not too sure why i'm writing on here other than hoping that it will bore me enough to tire me out so i'll pass out. because i am wide awake at 7:15 with only about 20 minutes of sleep under my belt. something is wrong with this picture.

something is very, very, very wrong.

oh random william finn references thaat no one in the world will understand...

oops.

I have been so busy and caught up with everything that I forget to update this.
My bad.

What to say?

Hot L Baltimore went very well. All in all it was a good experience.

The day after Hot L closed I took a one day trip to North Jersey that took more travel time than visit time to see Pride and Prejudice. I was very proud of Nicole and Bethy-poo and Ross. They all were wonderful.

Since then I have just been trying to stay afloat. Getting my work done, going to classes, keeping myself together. This semester is beating me down particularly hard. I may have taken on more than I can handle. Not really, but at some moments it feels that way. I just have a lot of work and the pressure is getting to me a little bit. But its not horrible. Not really. I'm just...

I'm feeling stuck. Every day it seems like I am being put into situations where I am forced into a comparison with my sister. I hate being compared to her. Jessica is good at everything. I am not. It really makes living up to her difficult. Plus there's the fact that I'm just crazy.... that doesn't help much.
Whatever.

By the way, the Phillies won the World Series. I went to the parade, I rioted on Broad Street. It was a great time.

I feel... numb. It's weird.
Last weekend I was told by someone who had met me earlier that night "You are so closed off". And he's right. I am. And I don't know how to change that. Or how to fix that. It's just something that is. That has always been. I close off and shut down to protect myself because I've been hurt too much and too many times. And..

I don't know. I'm weird.

"Cut me deeper cause if I see that I'm bleeding then I'll know that I'm alive."