Fear.

She fears everything.
She fears nothing.

She thinks that she is ready. The time has come.
She is willing and able to start a relationship, to jump in with both feet.
To take the proverbial plunge, of sorts.
And then it hits her.
She's going to be tied.
Tied Down.
And she can not take it.
She has to stop this, whatever it is.
Stop it dead in its tracks.
And so...
She will.
She stops speaking to him.
She makes one drunken mistake of a message.
She regrets her bad decisions.
She knows what she wants.
And it isn't this.
It isn't him.
She needs something to make her really want to change.
Or not change, but be willing and ready to do that.
And this time. This opportunity.
It doesn't do that for her.
Instead it scares her.
He scares her.
She doesn't want that.
She doesn't want him.
She thought she might, but she was mistaken.
But finally she knew, she didn't want that, she wasn't ready.
And now was not the time.
...It all clicked.







I walked down Pine Street.
Quickly, hurriedly.
I felt as though something was closing in on me.
Chasing me.
I looked all around me.
And there was nothing, nothing at all.
Rare as it is there was no one else on the street.
Rather than being comforted by this fact I was more frightened.
So I walked even faster. Practically running.
But still there was this sense, impending doom.
I walked and I walked.
It seemed like forever until I made it to 12th Street.
But finally I was there. And I made the turn.
A left.
Down the street I went.
But the mood did not lighten.
I felt the street closing in on me.
I broke into what was practically a run.
I kept going.
And then I saw it.
A person at the other end of the street.
Someone for me to run to.
I didn't know who they were but they were there.
Standing on the corner of Spruce and 12th.
An angel of sorts.
And so I ran.
Or power walked in actuality.
And I made it.
Finally, the sense of impending doom lifted.
I was free. I felt like myself again.
And I felt safe.
Mostly.
I walked the rest of the way down Spruce Street to my apartment.
There was a skip in my step.
And a lightness in my head.
I was still afraid- but not so petrified.
Why I had that sudden rush of fear, I will never know.
But it was there.
And I felt something.
Whatever it was...