so i think i might have come to a slight understanding with why i keep freaking out over my writing and future career or lack-there-of. everyone i met who is doing what i want to do in life already was working on projects that have been finished, or just had some sort of skill and talent and they could show something for it by the time they were my age. Me... not so much. Maybe I just move at a slower pace than they do. It wouldn't be the first time I was the slow one- on so many levels. I just feel like I've fallen behind. Like there's this big race to get to success and finish a piece and have it be good and have people like it and maybe even get it produced and I'm just floundering at the back somewhere trying to find a pencil sharpener so I can maybe try to start writing a first draft.
So that's kind of a weird way to put it, but thats the way things feel right now. And I don't know how to catch up other than try to keep writing and maybe straighten things out but right now I feel like everything I write is so cliche and just bad. It's a big ball of suck, to put it nicely. And I don't know how to improve or get past this hump. And just ugh. I'm frustrating myself because of my lack of ability coupled with my need to get around it.

I seriously want to cry and scream and just figure everything out at the same time.
And then finish a play I can be proud of, instead of ashamed or embarassed like usually.