Has there ever been an instance where you couldn't believe something you did? In your head all you can hear is your own voice saying "What am I doing? Whats going on? This is not me." But it is. No matter how out of character it is - this is you,
That happened to me. Last night.

He kissed me like he meant it. It was sweet and intense and then I just lost it. I kissed him back. I just let go . I went with the moment. And as I did, I didn't feel like me. But at the same time, I did. It was almost freeing- almost. I felt his stubble scratching my skin, his tongue ring hitting my teeth, fighting with me. It was the strangest sensation,. Exhilarating and petrifying at the same time. But I didn't know who I was. I am not the reckless abandon girl. I do not make out with people I've know for a total of two hours. Its just not who I am. And as much as I'd like to blame it on the tequila, it was my own doing. I flirted and played. When he asked if he could kiss me I complied. I was willing, maybe even eager.
Afterward, I looked in the mirror. I thought that I could see it. I could tell what I'd been doing in that hallway. My lips were red from his. My hair mussed by his hands. And I didn't know what to do. There was nothing I could do. So I laughed.
When he asked for my phone number I said no. We live two hours away. It just didn't seem like the way it should be. So to shut him up I kissed him again, hiding from everyone else as they walked around the corner. And then he was leaving. It was past 3am already. The bar was closed, everyone leaving. And I kissed him again. Goodbye. Infront of everyone on the streets of Manhattan.

Who was I last night?




(Things to Ruin was amazing.
I think I love Joe Iconis - maybe i'm just inlove with a punk rocker named joe?)