It's Been A While

Well, here I am.

In the past months since I wrote last I have graduated college.
I have had not one, but two professional stage management jobs.
I am in rehearsals for my third show of the summer.


I'm not sure where I am heading with my life, what my direction is.

I lived in Massachusetts for the past 6 weeks (mostly).
I was working for Boston Children's Theatre. I stage managed The Wedding Singer for both Studio 3 and Studio 4. By the end of the 6 weeks I worked with around 100 children ranging in ages 9 to 19. Crazy.

I have moved out of 1414. My lease ended on July 31, so I came home from MA for a few days, packed up my life and moved it all into a storage unit I bought for myself.

And now I'm floating. I'm bouncing from place to place, couch to couch, all while working about 6 or 7 hours a day and trying to find a place to live.




And now I feel like I'm breaking something that is pretty precious to me just because I'm feeling tied down.


What am I doing?

all is well

Wake up
Look me in the eyes again
I need to feel your hand upon my face


life keeps moving forward and i just go with it.
i am graduating from college in a matter of days.
since i last updated i have completed an entire run of a show, a professional stage management gig at that. go me.
things are still going well with the boy.
and i'm somewhat happy.

there are still moments, major times when sadness creeps up on me and starts to close in so tight i can barely breathe...
but then they pass. or i fight my way through.
and life is good again.
so all i can say is all is well and let us hope it remains this way.

I laugh because I don't know how else to react.
You do that to me.
It is definitely not a 'laugh at you'. It is a laugh with you, a laugh out of embarrassment because that's my only line of defense against something so sweet...

The most 'romantic' and sweet thing to ever be directed my way was said this afternoon.
I just about melted onto my cheap tile floor. Instead I giggled and hid my face, because I did not know what else to do. What I could do...

"All I know is you are the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I think of when I go to bed at night."

And that is when I turned into a puddle.

I am easily annoyed. This has always been an issue. Very small insignificant things get on my nerves. However, I am also very passive aggressive. Rather than confront whatever it is that may be annoying me I will make snide side comments or roll my eyes. I will not make a direct statement addressing the issue.

There are many of us, the non-confrontational kids, out there. You all know at least one of us, though more likely tons of them. This has always been my way. I just cannot directly confront another being about my feelings, whether positive or negative. It's just my issue.

And now, I will be passive aggressive via this blog. I will not direct this to anyone specific but there is intention behind this post. I do not do this all the time, but here goes...


If something is told to you in confidence, please keep it to yourself. If it is not your business to tell others, again, keep it to yourself. I am twenty-three years old. I am living my own life as I see fit. If you do not agree with or approve of any of my decisions and choices, so be it. Thankfully, you are not being forced to deal with their repercussions, that is all on me. I am finally reaching a point in my life where I am comfortable with myself as a person. I do what I can to help others. I complete whatever tasks are set before me. I try to react to situations with a mature and level head. I am attempting to be the grown up I want to be seen as. So please, do not undercut me and my growth by making those around me believe fallacies about my lifestyle. I do not appreciate it.


Here's the truth. I drink. I have sex. I smoke from time to time. I earn A's in school. I kickass at my internship and am over qualified for my ASM job. I am growing into a pretty great person in my opinion. Don't stop me now.

Thanks.

I can keep my cool at poker
But I'm a fool when love's at stake.
Because I can't conceal emotion
What I'm feelings always written on my face.

Oh, Joni Mitchell. You know.


One more week of performances for A Coupla White Chicks Sitting Around Talking, quite possibly the worst play title ever. It hasn't been a horrible experience. It had its moments, but its not so bad.

Hung out with Jones tonight. Saw him for the first time since I left the surf back in August. It was fun. We just hung out, talked, remembered the summer, talked about the people we're seeing. It was nice. Just like old times. But minus Corinne :(.

Tomorrow night Greg is coming over which will be lovely. I hope. I think.

He makes me happy. And I haven't been happy in a while. I know I shouldn't depend on someone else to make me happy, and I'm not. I'm happy on my own, but he makes me... happier. And thats wonderful.



I love Across the Universe, by the way. I have it playing to go to sleep to.

Instead of panicking about your freedom being potentially lost, think about how love ultimately connects all of us in a bewildered mess...

oar

"You
You were just no good for me.
But you're sweet like a cupcake
And I wanna eat you up.
You."